In time I will be able to share my life story. It has not always been an easy life, divorced parents, raised in a low income neighborhood, high school drop out, 2 failed marriages 1 because of abuse the other because I was just too damn young to get married. The list goes on and has quite a few interesting stories.
The one that stuck the most though and it affected me without me being aware is the abusive marriage. So I wanted to start off the personal nature of my blog by sharing with you a post I wrote on my old website “Nolie’s Place” which has now been taken down and archived. It was the most raw and honest post I ever wrote and it was the first time I came out of hiding from one of my darkest most embarrassing secrets.
I Walked Out On Drew Dudley
Who is Drew Dudley? Drew Dudley is a dynamic leadership speaker, author, and is billed as one of the most inspirational TED speakers of all time. https://www.drewdudley.com/about-drew
In 2013 I attended a conference where Drew Dudley was the keynote speaker. It was an amazing and life changing talk. He is an incredible speaker that if you ever get the chance to see him speak please do so. He made me come to the realization that I needed to come to in order to move on in my life. I was being held back and I didn’t even know it. In his talk a light bulb went off and brought me to tears.
Ever since the beginning of Nolie’s Place there are some things either I have not been able to share or just never found the right time to share. Those who met me in person learned bits and pieces of my past but the whole truth has never come out. This is the post where I will share what happened and why Drew Dudley’s talk made me break down and I had to walk out in order to go cry in the bathroom.
I was previously in an abusive relationship. Rarely physical, mostly mental. This man had me broken more than I ever thought I could be broken. He had me convinced that my own mother and father didn’t love me. He had me convinced I was worthless and would never be anything nor could I survive without him. He also gave me what I call his “gift” to women…. herpes. Due to this “gift” I was convinced no man would ever want to be with me. I was now tainted and carried a life long disease that I would never be able to get rid of.
Thankfully Brad knew I was worth more than I thought I was. He loved me and when I came to him asking for help he helped me leave this man and we have been together ever since.
In 2010 this man was arrested and charged with 6 counts of aggravated sexual assault and six counts of criminal negligence causing bodily harm. I was not his only victim. Each one of those charges represents a different woman who came forward with this “gift” they had received. Undisclosed to us until it was too late. This is NOT a debate about herpes I refuse to have this debate. I suffered enough reading comment after comment across the internet about the entire case.
He was released on bail only to be arrested again 3 months later. This time for possession of child pornography.
From 2010 to 2013 my life were spent dealing with the justice system. I never did get justice. He plead guilty but basically got a slap on the wrist and walked. If he is a good boy for 3 years or something like that then he will get a discharge. It will be as if none of this ever happened. He stood in court and apologized to the victims (according to the newspapers), I never received an apology. I was ripped apart by his abuse for 2 years only to in my opinion, then get abused by the justice system and just left at the curb so to speak.
I sat in that ballroom listening to Drew Dudley speak about being a better landlord. You are the landlord of your mind and your heart. Do not let people live rent free. If they are negative and do you no good then don’t allow them into your heads or your hearts. Of course this is the condensed version. If you would like to hear the longer version I have shared it here for you.
It was in that moment that I realized many years after leaving this man I am still letting him affect me. The court cases ended in February of 2013. That was 7 months before the conference since I was officially done with him having any external affect on my life. However he still has a huge affect on my mind. We still talk about him, we still hear about him. I am still VERY angry about what he has done to me and how he has affected my life for the last 9 years. I have never been able to let go, heal and move forward.
I need to heal. I need to stop letting this man have any impact on my life. I need to stop letting him be a horrible tenant in my mind. I need to be a better landlord and evict him.
It was with this realization that I suddenly burst into tears while sitting front row at Blissdom Canada listening to Drew Dudley speak. I walked through that ballroom with my head down staring at the floor and bee-lined it for the nearest bathroom where I cried… hard.
I came home and shared this realization with my husband. I vowed to become a better landlord. Together someway somehow Brad and I will find a way to heal and evict this man from our lives.
This was from 2013. It is now 2019 and I have come a long way and it is all thanks to Drew Dudley. I will never let someone live rent free in my head again. This has become one of my main goals in life. It has not always been easy to get where I am today. But it has been the best road I have traveled and has made me the strong empowered woman I am today.