Parenting

What ever happened to the RSVP?

I need to rant. Why does society think it is OK to not RSVP to an invitation?

I realized this like 6 years ago and just stopped having birthday parties for my kids cause I was sick of it. But I thought this year I would let me son invite 5 school friends to a special party that is costing me a pretty penny since it is his last year at this school.

Guess how many responded. THREE!

Two weeks ago I had my son ask the two non replied kids to ask their parents and have them email me. Crickets.

One of the moms I know so was able to message. She replied it was Father’s Day and she was working and her husband hadn’t replied to her yet if he had plans or not. Oops my bad didn’t check calendar when I booked the event.

However it is now Saturday night (party is tomorrow) and still nothing for these two kids. Pisses me off.

If someone invites you to an event you should at least have manners to let them know if you can attend or not. Events cost money and most are a minimum attendance.

This also happened for our wedding. Our venue only held 45 people. We had to piss off a lot of people due to limited space. Only 20 bothered to show up.

My kid will enjoy his party with the two who can attend. But I am paying for five.

Back to no birthday party’s after this year and instead having special family days that the kids pick.

Thanks for letting me rant.

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Sharing My Life

The Moment My Life Changed

In time I will be able to share my life story. It has not always been an easy life, divorced parents, raised in a low income neighborhood, high school drop out, 2 failed marriages 1 because of abuse the other because I was just too damn young to get married. The list goes on and has quite a few interesting stories.

The one that stuck the most though and it affected me without me being aware is the abusive marriage. So I wanted to start off the personal nature of my blog by sharing with you a post I wrote on my old website “Nolie’s Place” which has now been taken down and archived. It was the most raw and honest post I ever wrote and it was the first time I came out of hiding from one of my darkest most embarrassing secrets.

I Walked Out On Drew Dudley

Who is Drew Dudley? Drew Dudley is a dynamic leadership speaker, author, and is billed as one of the most inspirational TED speakers of all time. https://www.drewdudley.com/about-drew

In 2013 I attended a conference where Drew Dudley was the keynote speaker. It was an amazing and life changing talk. He is an incredible speaker that if you ever get the chance to see him speak please do so. He made me come to the realization that I needed to come to in order to move on in my life. I was being held back and I didn’t even know it. In his talk a light bulb went off and brought me to tears.

Ever since the beginning of Nolie’s Place there are some things either I have not been able to share or just never found the right time to share. Those who met me in person learned bits and pieces of my past but the whole truth has never come out. This is the post where I will share what happened and why Drew Dudley’s talk made me break down and I had to walk out in order to go cry in the bathroom.

I was previously in an abusive relationship. Rarely physical, mostly mental. This man had me broken more than I ever thought I could be broken. He had me convinced that my own mother and father didn’t love me. He had me convinced I was worthless and would never be anything nor could I survive without him. He also gave me what I call his “gift” to women…. herpes. Due to this “gift” I was convinced no man would ever want to be with me. I was now tainted and carried a life long disease that I would never be able to get rid of.

Thankfully Brad knew I was worth more than I thought I was. He loved me and when I came to him asking for help he helped me leave this man and we have been together ever since.

In 2010 this man was arrested and charged with 6 counts of aggravated sexual assault and six counts of criminal negligence causing bodily harm. I was not his only victim. Each one of those charges represents a different woman who came forward with this “gift” they had received. Undisclosed to us until it was too late. This is NOT a debate about herpes I refuse to have this debate. I suffered enough reading comment after comment across the internet about the entire case.

He was released on bail only to be arrested again 3 months later. This time for possession of child pornography.

From 2010 to 2013 my life were spent dealing with the justice system. I never did get justice. He plead guilty but basically got a slap on the wrist and walked. If he is a good boy for 3 years or something like that then he will get a discharge. It will be as if none of this ever happened. He stood in court and apologized to the victims (according to the newspapers), I never received an apology. I was ripped apart by his abuse for 2 years only to in my opinion, then get abused by the justice system and just left at the curb so to speak.

I sat in that ballroom listening to Drew Dudley speak about being a better landlord. You are the landlord of your mind and your heart. Do not let people live rent free. If they are negative and do you no good then don’t allow them into your heads or your hearts. Of course this is the condensed version. If you would like to hear the longer version I have shared it here for you.

Watch the whole video if you got time, so much wisdom is this one talk.

It was in that moment that I realized many years after leaving this man I am still letting him affect me. The court cases ended in February of 2013. That was 7 months before the conference since I was officially done with him having any external affect on my life. However he still has a huge affect on my mind. We still talk about him, we still hear about him. I am still VERY angry about what he has done to me and how he has affected my life for the last 9 years. I have never been able to let go, heal and move forward.

I need to heal. I need to stop letting this man have any impact on my life. I need to stop letting him be a horrible tenant in my mind. I need to be a better landlord and evict him.

It was with this realization that I suddenly burst into tears while sitting front row at Blissdom Canada listening to Drew Dudley speak. I walked through that ballroom with my head down staring at the floor and bee-lined it for the nearest bathroom where I cried… hard.

I came home and shared this realization with my husband. I vowed to become a better landlord. Together someway somehow Brad and I will find a way to heal and evict this man from our lives.


This was from 2013. It is now 2019 and I have come a long way and it is all thanks to Drew Dudley. I will never let someone live rent free in my head again. This has become one of my main goals in life. It has not always been easy to get where I am today. But it has been the best road I have traveled and has made me the strong empowered woman I am today.

Health and Fitness

Non Scale Victories

None Scale Victories or NSV for short are the biggest part of your weight loss. Yes you heard me right. The scale is a lying asshole and I am here to tell you why.

March 25th I started a new 30 day program. It involved 30 days of proper nutrition and portion control. I have a big over eating problem, I love my food. Then I added in 21 days of working out every day for 30 minutes.

Proper Eating + Exercise = WEIGHTLOSS!! Well that is what one would think, but like I said above the scale in a lying asshole and this is why we have non scale victories.

At the end of my program I had only lost 1 pound. I won’t lie, I cried. All that work for what? For nothing!! I fell down the self pity hole. Ordered a poutine, had a chocolate bar and lounged in bed all day. Completely ready to throw in the towel.

But then I remembered about NSV. I got out of bed and broke out the measuring tape. Guess what… I had lost 5.5 inches. My clothes were fitting better… Hello size 10 jeans, good bye size 14 jeans. Hello new hole punched in my belt.

Not only that but I was honestly feeling better than I had in years. I was getting more accomplished around the house. I was more present with my family. Oh and those 3 flights of stairs in my house, they no longer owned me, I owned them and climbed them no problem and without being out of breath.

So yes according to the scale the month was a total flop. But those non scale victories were singing my praises. I got off the self pity train and started my 21 day exercise program all over again (yes, I love it that much I am doing it again).

So remember, the scale is not your friend 90% of the time. Muscle weighs more than fat and your clothes and how you feel are the true measurement of change.

General

Introducing Me

I have always thought I was fat. Even as a teenager and before having kids. Looking back now I realize I seriously had a false sense of self. I was 96 pounds before having my first child. I know I had an unhealthy relationship with food back then. I thought of food as the enemy. I lived off of coffee and cigarettes.

Before Kids

After having my first son I still thought I was fat. But hey I just had a baby so tummy pudge is a ok. And I lived with that motto. Then I had my second son. Motto still alive. Then my first son was 11 and my second son was 7. That motto wasn’t really acceptable anymore. I could no longer blame the fat on having babies.

Met Bruno while playing Pokemon Go

But weight, I have a bad hip, have had it since childbirth. Well according to my doctor, sports medicine doctor and physiotherapist my diagnosis is “tight and weak muscles”. Well crap, I guess I am all out of excuses. Oh wait! I have asthma. Well millions of people have asthma and they don’t let that keep them from being healthy.

So I was all out of excuses and it was time to make a change. I invested in myself and bought a home workout netflix-esque type of program. Thousands of workouts at my finger tips that I could do in the comfort of my own home. Without people staring or laughing at me.

I also invested in a nutrition program by the same company. I have never been a believe in diets except the starve yourself one as a teen-ager. This program has taught me how to eat healthy and in proper portions without denying myself anything.

21 Days of Working Out

In my first 21 days I dropped 11 inches and lost 3 pounds. Sure you may say “Only 3 pounds??” But I gained muscle and my body changed. It isn’t just about the scale (another thing my programs have taught me). I went from wearing a size 14 to a size 10. I live in leggings and always had to buy the plus size ones. I now get to buy the OS (one size) ones.

I am looking forward to continuing my journey and hope you will all follow along.

What can you expect?

  • My successes
  • My Failues
  • My journey and stories about improving myself both mentally and physically
  • Stories of finding out who I am besides a mom and a wife
  • Recipes of delicious healthy foods I find along the way

I hope you will join me on my journey. Don’t forget to also follow me on Instagram where you can see my daily stories of how it is all going.